So sweet and innocent. Long brown hair, gleaming brown eyes, so very quiet. That was until i got to know the real you.
It took one night stuck inside work because the M25 was tailing back for hours, and we couldn’t leave our building because of the traffic. I spoke to you for a couple of hours, and that’s where it all started..
Would I go back in time, and not talk to you?
Would I go back in time and not message you on twitter to see if you was home safe?
I was just being nice, friendly. That’s who I am, you were sitting in your office alone away from everybody else. I came to say Hi, to see how you was. I don’t like seeing people alone, so I came in so you had company.
But you knew from day one, you knew what you was doing from the very start.
The way we had looked at eachother every single day after that, was lust. We wanted eachother, touch and feel eachother. I wanted your lips pressed up against mine, you wanted to feel my body, my fingertips caressing your back. We had that strong attraction, the tension that was building was unbearable, but I was falling in love with you, months went by, you were falling for me.
But how could you fall for me when you had a boyfriend? Surely your attention should of had been on him? Wasn’t he giving you what you needed? Is that why your attention was on me? Did you see something inside of me that you could use me to your advantage? But still go home to your boyfriend and live that separate life? Yes you did, and you manipulated me, to believe that.
Our first time, first time having sex. You’ve never had sex with anybody else other than your long term boyfriend, and I hadn’t had sex in a long time, One word. Amazing. I hadn’t had sex like that before, it was out of this world, but was that the feeling of getting caught? Because of course you still had your long term partner? Maybe..
But that didn’t go through your head, I remember your exact words, as I slid deep inside you..you looked at me dead in the eye and said “this isn’t the last time we are going to do this”
You were right, from that very day. The Physical attraction we had for eachother and the tension building up was off the scale. We’d have sex about 4 days a week and every time about 3-6 times for 9 months, Now you count that up in 9 months with somebody who isn’t your love.
You can never have sex with the same person and not encounter feelings, it’s impossible, and that was our down fall, we let that happen, we fell in love. Lust was no more the centre of this.
Before we would fuck.we would go hard and fast. After time, we’d make love..now it was slow, deep, hot and steamy, skin on skin..that’s not what you call lust. In my eyes anyway. But maybe I was wrong?
Don’t get me wrong, I was loving the on tap sex and love making. But deep down it was killing me inside because I loved you, I wanted you not just for sex,I could of lived with out that, but for just you, you were a beautiful, funny and caring soul. But you couldn’t give me what I wanted because you had loose ties still, with the person who couldn’t give you what you wanted when we first met. Your boyfriend.
I started to learn very late on, what was happening here. I was being manipulated, abused, and used.
I’m a man, and I am admitting that you abused me, I was blinded by love. I took all the shit you gave me, all the swearing at me, and dropping me with a click of the fingers. All the broken promises, and all of the times I’d learn that when you told me you was in bed, that your actually in your ex’s bed after you’ve already split up 3 months prior. I’d still come running back because I loved you, even after all of that. You were treating me how your ex treated you, you wore me down, you made me think it was all my fault, I used to apologise for no reason at all? All for what started as Lust? That quickly turned into love?
I’m not sure what it was,
But all I know, is I’ve learned from you. I thank you a little for making me realise a few things about myself, but I really don’t like you for all what you done to me..all I wanted to do was make you happy, happiest girl alive. But you took advantage of me, see my weaknesses quickly and grabbed them, and used them against me.
I’ll make somebody happy one day, but that will not be you, and you’ll regret that. And I hope it eats you inside.